So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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