haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
