So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't turn off my feet"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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