I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
