Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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