if i can run in heels then i can drive
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
