Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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