naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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