dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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