the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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