i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
