I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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