i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
