I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
