My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
