i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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