On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
