We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
