A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
