I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
where are you?
Hypothermia
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
