watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
