I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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