So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize