Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
