I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
