Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
