Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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