I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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