so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
