you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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