you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
