oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
