hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
