i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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