And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
