I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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