im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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