Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
