Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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