What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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