is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
