Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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