Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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