I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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