He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
