There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
