question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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