dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize