Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
