she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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