My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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