You don't have asthma, your pregnant
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
