The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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