i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
