Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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