Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
