I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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