the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
