I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The adults are the big ones right?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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