great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
