I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
