One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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