One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
