That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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