He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize