Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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