just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
