I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
