Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
