i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We had to coat check the pizza.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
